To prove my Love
by sweet-anime-babe
Summary: This is a life story, told from the view of Serenity, an android that lived in a world of hell, since the day she was programmed. ((Warning: Extreme violence and rape))
1. The beginning

To Prove my Love (Another of Serenity's stories from a different perspective)  
  
Hey I don't own dbz and I never will so don't sue me cause yea I can't afford it:P.  
  
I am Serenity. I have no middle name nor last name because I am not human. Don't look so surprised there are actually quite a few of us, Like me. Well let me explain.  
  
I was born an android. Brought to this planet by Cell himself. Yes I know what you are thinking. Your either thinking " Why hasn't she taken over the world yet?" or "She's going to take over the world!" Well sorry to ruin the moment but I'm not. Even if I wanted to I couldn't so no need to worry.  
  
I was made for one reason and one reason only. I was made to be hurt. And I served that purpose very well.very well indeed. I was so abused I couldn't tell right from wrong or wrong from right.exactly what Cell wanted.  
  
Then one day Gohan killed most Cell's cells. Cell came back to the underground lab, at which him and me lived, to recover. The last time I had seen him he had pushed my body to the limits. As I look back on it I'm actually pretty amazed I survived. Anyways I was still bitter and somehow (I don't really remember much about this because I was pretty much gone) I managed to kill the rest of his cells.  
  
Afterwards I was pretty much in a state of shock. I would walk around for hours mumbling unknown words to myself. It was as if my wires had been crossed. Finally I dragged myself above ground.  
  
After I left the lab I went into a huge city being rebuilt. That's where I met Him.  
  
He was a huge man, maybe 6'5, with huge hands and huge feet. He had pale blue eyes and long brown hair.  
  
He must have noticed I was different because as soon as I got off of that Sky train he walked over and literally dragged me to his house. He locked me in the cellar, away from all human eyes. I didn't yell or cry or do anything because I was trained to be silent through torture and neglect.I had already been subject to this before.  
  
He used me. Sometimes he would touch me in unknown places or if he was really mad he would punch me and kick me. He played with me, like a little human child plays with dolls; he even called me his "toy" sometimes.  
  
After a few years he finally branded me. The brand was so hot it curled my skin into the shape.two circles, connected by two lines running through the centre of them. He told me it meant denial of life. I didn't understand the meaning at the time and so I simply forgot it.  
  
Soon after the branding he was killed in a shoot out somewhere in the big city. The "cops" found me in his cellar and let me, just to bombard me with question about Him. After I didn't answer they left me there sitting outside the house.  
  
Alone and scared, I left the City and went into a forest nearby, I really don't remember anything about the months that soon followed but I do remember being very ill at one point until an "angel" (or so I thought at the time) magically healed me.  
  
After I was healed I met Cell's son. Dark his name was. At first I was horrified that there should be another Cell. Another person to hurt me. And even more so I prayed he didn't know who had killed his father. I soon found out he meant no harm and he thought Gohan had destroyed his father not me.  
  
It took me a long time to trust this creature, with my creator's tail and eyes and even attitude, but soon we became good friends and I learned to love him.  
  
The next big shock was dying. I had been hurt hundreds maybe thousands of times before but dying was really new to me. It started out that me and Dark had a fight. I don't know what took over my body as we began to inflict pain on each other but I really think it had something to with proving my strength, showing I wasn't all weak. Whatever drove me to the snapping point was beyond me. I remember I was on the ground and Dark standing over top of me crushing my ribs. I couldn't breath and I could feel the darkness creeping up out of the corners of my eyes. After that all I remember is screaming "You'll never kill me!" before biting his tail.  
  
His weakness was his tail. He was knocked out cold. Meanwhile I must have been pretty screwed because something came out of me. Pixie the spirit was called. Taking over me it attacked Dark with all of its rage. Dark tried killing it but it soon it had begun to slowly kill me. I also remember opening my eyes, a huge sword stuck deep into my circuts, and seeing Dark there and mumbling something or other and then I was gone.  
  
When I awoke I was in hell. It was hot and you could smell the smell of decay and even pain down there. There were hundreds of scary people down there. I even thought I saw Him down there walking around groaning. Hell was the worst place (even more than the cellar) I had ever been. I was in constant pain and I hallucinated a lot about kill my loved ones.killing Dark.  
  
Then suddenly I was alive again. I hadn't been wished back but I was back. It was like it had all been a big horrible dream. But it hadn't. I had been to hell.  
  
Again I lived in a forest, this time as far from humans as I could get. I was scared of humans. Scared to death. In my forest I met many other species of aliens from far off galaxies. Many of them were kind but some were rough and hurt me just for the fun of it.  
  
I hung around with Dark an awful lot these days. Just talking about death and life and anything that doesn't have an answer.  
  
Then one day I went to sleep under a big oak. When I awoke I had at least a hundred dead humans surrounding me. I was so scared. I tried to remember what I had done but all it turned up was little flashes of killing the young, the innocent.  
  
I felt so bad it was unimaginable. I almost decided to kill myself again it was so bad. I had tortured these people as Cell had tortured me.  
  
And it got worse.oh, yes so much more. Every time I fell asleep I would murder hundreds of people. I didn't know what to do. I was a killing machine. I didn't understand how I could do it. How I could kill so many in such a little time?  
  
And finally I had enough. I decided to tie myself to a tree to stop the madness. For days I stood to the tree, weeping softly. And then finally I didn't have the flashes of great evil. No I was fine, and just like hell it was all pretty much a bad dream to me.  
  
The next twist was Dark. I hadn't seen him in a very long time and when I did meet him he had blown a whole city up. I was disgusted and yet I felt safe being next to such a strong creature. I asked why he had done this. He had no answer for me, which me even angrier. I wanted him to take this back. To make it disappear. I asked him why he had changed for the worse. He also had no answer but that he had changed and he always would be. I was depressed. No longer did I follow my old friend around.  
  
Until one day we met up once again. Him on the verge of death. The worst thing about it was he wanted to die. He was going to kill himself. Many times I had felt this feeling. That I wanted to die, to leave again.but I couldn't face it. I was terrified of hell. I never wanted to go back there again.  
  
But he did. He wanted to die. Or so he said. I really can't imagine what unexplained things he was thinking nor can I process even the thought of knowing but somewhere deep inside me I felt that if I didn't do something he would kill himself. What friend would let their loved one die!? It was unthinkable.  
  
So to take matters into my own hands I took a sharp bladed sword and slashed at my wrists. It hurt like hell.but I was used to this and so I kept digging deeper and deeper until finally he told me to stop. I knew I had won this battle.with battle scars yes but still I had won.  
  
We soon departed each other and I went back to my life. Except for I no longer feared the human race. I decided to live among them as if I were won. I made lots of human friends and I went to school and in the spare time trained my little butt off. Some of my friends knew I wasn't a human (although I had told no one I was an android), I think they sensed it in the way I moved, my ideas, opinions, the way I was a coward and yet a true hero.  
  
And then another evil force forced me out into the old world I was used to. Pain and suffering. One day I just felt uneasy about a situation. I could feel a pair of eyes on the back of my head and I looked around, searched with both my ki tracking skills and with my eyes. Nothing. I felt scared and yet I wasn't. I wanted to catch this evil demon thing. But soon after much looking turned up nothing and so I went into an abandoned house that I lived in and started to work on my homework. Soon after I felt an amazing amount of ki and then it died down. I just thought it was another super natural being and I went on with my math problems.  
  
The next day at school all my friends were crying. They told me that one of my best friends had been killed. her head taken right off her shoulders. I looked around shocked. They said that the person (I don't think they really realized what it was) had left a note with two circles connected by two lines.  
  
I couldn't think. I was dumbfounded. I had murdered my own friend. I couldn't stay near them. I had to leave.leave forever and be forgotten like before. Someone had killed her because of me.  
  
For weeks I ran from the thing.and for weeks it followed. Just when I thought I was gone it came back again with more force. I was depressed.oh so depressed that I became the usual old me. Scared of the littlest twitch or sound. Then one night it got me.  
  
I awoke in the middle of the night and I didn't know why. I mean why would I wake up in the middle of the night. I stood up and then I felt it grab one of my shoulders and sink its claws into me. I remember trying to fight it with everything I had. I remember trying to kill the thing. Murder it for my friend. But I was the weak one. I did not have the power to kill this monster.  
  
The last thing I saw were its eyes before I felt my computer brain shutting down. I was not dead.No I was fine.but I couldn't think. Just sit there with brown eyes that watched everything. I watched myself be dragged into town and thrown in a man's house. That's when I was scared.  
  
Another Man.he would do the same thing. I wanted to move, do fly away, run away anything just to get away. But I couldn't and I was trapped.  
  
The scientist (who's house I had been thrown) came the next day to see me propped up on his couch. He brought me to his lab where he did experiments on me. He sometimes talked to me or even sang to me when he was in a very good mood. He tried to make me wake up, talk to him. As much as I tried I couldn't and so I sat there for weeks being held on life support and being objected to experiments.  
  
Then one day after I don't know how many weeks Dark came. I could see him and I wanted to talk to him, to cry and tell him what had happened. But as much as I wanted to I couldn't. I listened to the scientist's conversation with Dark tirelessly. Finally the scientist had to leave.  
  
I was so upset, so deeply upset. I couldn't talk I couldn't move. And he was here to save me. He came right up to me and asked me who had done this too me. That's when I cracked.  
  
I finally was so mad, in such a rage that I willed my arms to move. To take this inferior machine out of my veins. And my hands did it! Slowly, yes, but never the less I could move. I willed a smile and I smiled!  
  
I was still very weak but I spoke to him and I think he believed me. Soon after we left and went our own ways. Him off to find his friends and me off to live in the forest again. Away from civilization. Away from anything that I can harm. And so this is where you find me.because I am trapped here in the middle of a forest. Not by ropes but by humanity. 


	2. Roti

Roti  
  
Life. Who ever knew it could mean so much? Most improper nouns do. Love, hate, betrayal, peace, sadness, beauty. Geniuses could spend thousands of years trying to get to the bottom of human nature, but most likely they could never do it. Same with androids.people could try and figure us out, what makes us act so human like, how do we die if we were never alive, how we throw ki balls like any other organism? Even as androids we don't know these answers, although we should.  
  
Roti was another android. Red eyes as hot as fire and long blonde hair, which I loved to run my fingers through. Sometimes we would sit there for hours watching the clouds and talking about how nice heaven would be. Those were the good times. I remember being so happy to meet another android just like me!  
  
I first met him when I was in the forest (where I last ended my story). I was wandering aimlessly around before I felt a hand jerk me onto my back. I looked around and saw him. He scared me for a minute, I thought he was going to hurt me like almost every other being I'd met in this damned forest. He smiled and from that moment on I had fallen in love with him. Not like brother sister love, I had a full-blown crush on this hotty.  
  
He helped me up and apologized saying that he thought I was one of the many killer ssj living in the forest. I grasped onto his every word as if it was life support. We sat down and talked for a few hours and he promised me that he would always be there for me, I thought so. No one had ever been this nice to me, well other than my mortal friends and Dark and some life savers that came to my help a few times. Other than that I'd known sick cruel people with nothing to do but harass me constantly. Roti would never turn out that way, he knew what I was.he was one too.  
  
Roti and I spent every minute of every day together. Sometimes sitting around in a small town eating ice cream on a bench, other times swimming in a large waterfall in a rainforest. Unlike me Roti was amazingly strong and had the ability to transport from one area to another. We went around the world and then one day we met Dark.  
  
I was so happy from my travels, that I totally neglected the look on each other's faces. They were both pissed and I ignored it. I tried to lighten the spirits by telling each of them why I loved the other. They wouldn't.couldn't accept the fact there was another man in my life, but I tried anyway. I wanted them to become best friends so that I wouldn't have to pick and choose. When they refused to listen to my desperate pleas, I decided I had to leave before I got my heart torn apart.  
  
Those days were full of shadows and darkness. I remember crying myself to sleep, and then Roti was hugging me. Pulling me close. I gave in a cuddled with him, he apologizing and saying that he had never meant to hurt me and he would try harder to be friends with my friends. I accepted and then fell asleep in his arms.  
  
When I woke up I was surrounded by trees. Roti was gone from sight. I walked around the forest some more hoping for a glimpse of my other friend but seeing nothing I decided to go into the small town south of there. I walked there and bought a book in the small bookstore on the corner. It was about a lady that had to choose between her best friend and her lover. I laughed. This was the same predicament I was in.not like it mattered. I read on and found out that the best friend was killed in a car accident. I didn't read the rest of it.  
  
Roti finally tracked me down and he told me I was not to go near Dark. I just glared at him. I would be around whoever the hell I wanted. Yes I loved him but not enough to let him rule me, like a king over a peasant. No I refused.  
  
We spent day after day with each other, and after awhile I felt uneasy and unsafe around Roti. He would treat me harshly, sometimes pushing me out of the way or slapping me when I refused to do what he wanted.  
  
The good time were over, long gone. I knew that this was not going to turn out well but I refused to listen. Refused to give up on him. I had left so many and I couldn't afford to do that again. No, I wouldn't!  
  
I'll always remember that night. It was in an apartment we had rented, in a city in the USA called Los Angeles. I was tired because we had went boar hunting down in Australia and so I fell onto the bed without even undressing. Roti looked me up and down and started to walk over.  
  
The pit off my stomach filled with butterflies. WE had been in closes contact together since I had met him but for some reason alarms were ringing in my head. He walked over and ripped my shirt off. I just gaped at him before I crossed my arms.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing Roti?!?!"  
  
"Making a dream come true" he said before ripping my jean shorts off.  
  
I just sat there for a long moment before I tried to struggle to my feet. He wouldn't let me. He was stronger than me.much stronger, much faster, I wouldn't be getting out of here.  
  
Next was the panties. I was so confused. My head was spinning. What the hel was he doing? I had never even heard of the word sex nevermind had it. I didn't even know how babies were born!!!!  
  
The I felt him inside of me! I screamed and screamed and screamed. He was snickering. I couldn't tell the ceiling from the ground! I was in shock. I felt dirty, unclean.I never felt any pleasure that people supposedly say happens from this act. I felt pain. Not psychical but mentally. Someone I had trusted had decided to hurt me. He was groaning and moaning and then he rolled off of me.  
  
I wanted to go, leave.he didn't want me too. He tied me to the bed and went through this act a few more times before giving into sleep. I didn't sleep, I couldn't. It was too painful.  
  
I sat there and watched the moon. It was so beautiful hanging there in the sky, so close but yet so far. I started to cry, tears so wet and salty that you would sweat them humans if you had not seen them from me.  
  
Crying was not a new thing to me, but these tears were more the normal. It was the dying of my mind. I knew I was going crazy.I knew that if I didn't get help I would crack, like Roti. I never wanted that.ever.  
  
We still went out like before but I never said a single word to him. Every night I would be subject to the same humiliating act. Soon if he didn't like how I did it he would cut me. With what you ask? With whatever he could find.  
  
One day after a particularly bad night I was thrown onto the ground in my forest. It was the only time I'd ever like this place. If I was to die (that's how I felt) I would die in my home.my forest.  
  
I didn't die, but I might as well of. Dark was there. Watching me, he didn't see the whole thing, he just saw me lying there. In the cold dirt.  
  
I had always feared death since I had died, but now I welcomed death. Yearned for it. My life could not get any worse; I had been born to be a toy and had succeeded with flying colours. They might as well as sold me for $20 at Toy-R-Us.  
  
He helped me up and I could hear him talking to Roti about..what I don't really know. I heard my name but I was to far gone. I turned bright red realizing I was wearing nothing but said nothing, I just looked at my feet.something that was for sure. I knew I had 5 toes and that they could twitch and move. That was for sure. Unless someone broke them and then I'd be back at stage one.  
  
Dark took me away. Or at least tried. Roti wouldn't allow it. Of course he needed his stupid sex toy, couldn't live without her.  
  
This wasn't what I thought about through out the whole ordeal. I noticed stupid small things. Like Dark wasn't the same person that I had known. He wasn't kind, his touch was cold instead of the usual warmth, he just didn't care anymore. I realized I would rather live with Roti for a hundred years before I saw Dark turn into some.some heartless toy like me. And so instead of turning and fighting Roti with Dark I walked with Roti away towards another apartment.  
  
The next few weeks was horrible. I don't remember it all I just remember pieces of it.flying past me.  
  
The next thing I remember ( and I barely remember this as well) is Dark coming through a window and then us leaving, me seeing a dead family, and then me killing someone. I don't remember the facts but I suppose it was Roti because I never saw him ever again. I never saw anyone. Because I was gone.  
  
Insanity.another improper noun. No one can say your insane.well they can but it won't mean anything. only you can tell yourself that. I told myself I was insane and I guess I might have been. I just sat there revisiting my friends and sometimes my life.  
  
The next thing I remember is Vixie. My mother.or the closest thing I've ever had. I remember her braiding my hair and singing to me in a field, there was a big cat cuddled on my lap and I was happy. Hoping that I would leave this world with this image imprinted on my mind.  
  
And I did.I never forgot that image.and I never will.  
  
After that I remember me sitting at a tree and Vixie talking to someone who I'm guessing was Dark, in fact I'm pretty certain it was him. Positive. They were arguing, I could feel pain flooding out of them like it was a bloody river.  
  
Someone was picking me up.it was Vixie, my mommy. Someone kissed me on the cheek, Dark, my mentor and best friend, and before I knew it I was gone..nothing but darkness, and that's when I finally said. "I love you Dark and I'll never forget that.  
  
I don't remember anything else. It's like a dream, there an then gone and then some weird little thing makes you remember them all over again.  
  
I just wish it was a dream.maybe then I wouldn't be like this.this toy 


	3. The long harsh road of recovery

Chapter 3 - Recovery Pt 1  
  
So you actually thought I'd end my life insane? You underestimate me. So you seriously thought I'd end up insane for the rest of my life? Well I didn't, and because of that I am here to tell you my recovery.  
  
After Vixie brought me to her planet, I started to regain my memory. I soon knew the daily routine.  
  
Get up, Eat breakfast, Comb hair, Get dressed, Talk, Go down to the beach, Eat lunch at beach, Go to Ed's, Eat supper there, Go home, Watch TV, Go to bed.  
  
For 4 months that was my life. We did the same thing everyday for six months. But even though we did the same thing I enjoyed every minute of it. The walks on the beach, the picnics in the shade, talking to Ed or Vixie about anything on my mind, I loved it.  
  
The thing I loved most about it was Vixie. She was so patient with me.every time I would break down (I did this regularly at first, until after a few months I stopped) she'd sit me down on the couch, next to juniper (a huge blue tiger, which I will explain later on in the chapter) and braid my hair, and listen to all I had to cry about (these subject usually consisted of Cell, Roti, and/or the pain I put up with) and then whisper words of wisdom that usually helped me get over what I was upset about. She was the one who put a roof over my head, fed me, and most of all loved me.the thing I needed most.  
  
Everything about her was angelic.her midnight black hair, her emerald green eyes, and beautiful bronze skin. Her personality was priceless. Caring, smart, and fearless. Everything I'd ever wanted to be, she was. She had that can-never-be-broken spirit that I learned to love, and look up to. She to had her bad side. (Like all living things) .When she was upset, she'd always either curl up into a mental ball or attack (sometimes mentally sometimes physically), which sometimes dug her into a deeper hole than she was before. But I respected her, and most of all.. looked up to her.  
  
After 4 months I started to actually live again. I would laugh and have fun and although I sometimes felt sad I would no longer break down and cry, instead I would busy myself with something I found important.  
  
After 5 years Vixie asked me a question that would change my life forever. She asked me.  
  
"Serenity, I know you no longer love your body, to insure your health, me and Ed think you should switch bodies to an older, more adult form. Of course the choice is yours.. we will not force you to change, we wouldn't dream of it. But if you would like we could fly to earth and get you a scientist to make you a body."  
  
I accepted immediately. Vixie was just starting her new business (The Android Safety House.TASH for short) and I knew I would bring her down if I stayed any longer than necessary. She had already built the Lodge (a huge mansion made right beside the beach.equipped with over 100 rooms, a pool, two living rooms, three kitchens, and a laboratory and school room) and 12 androids were already staying there. Sometimes I would stay and work with Vixie and Ed.  
  
Ed. One of the most caring people I know. Ed was as patient and kind as an abused android could get. Like me, Vixie found him hurt and alone (but not insane) and decided to take him in. Because she herself hadn't yet had kids, she raised him (he had a body like me, small and weak) until he was 17 years old, after which she got a scientist to change his body form. Now a tall, brown haired, hazel eyed, muscular, 17 year old guy he had his own house and his girlfriend Pakita. Although he had his own home, Vixie was still like his mother and so we visited him almost everyday (he lived one street away from the beach) and he was the assistant manager at TASH.  
  
Anyway back to TASH. I would work there with Vixie. Helping the small androids to bed (It's sick because some humans made baby androids to take the place after their dead children, after the android doesn't act like the child they try to kill it or abandon it), talking with the older ones (the oldest abused android was 15 and in a 13 year old body), and playing with the young (about 3 years younger than me) ones. I loved the atmosphere there. So much love, so much kindness. I had many friends there who I would talk to for hours and hours.we would talk about our bad experiences with humans, or who we had a crush on, or sometimes just plain gossip.  
  
Now back to my decision.  
  
I told them that I would love to go through with the change. I had always wanted to look like older women. I loved the curves and the structure. I now had the chance. The only downside would be I would have to go to earth to get the surgery done. After saying my good-byes to all my friends, fellow androids, and Pakita (I got Ed to come with us)We got into the fastest rocket ship on the planet and blasted off to Earth.  
  
The ride was nauseating. Try going a plane times a hundred. Every lift-off was plain torture (like driving in a car you have to gas up at certain planets) but after Vixie gave me a drug I was fine.a little light headed, yes, but fine nonetheless.  
  
When we finally got to earth I was nervous and excited. I wondered if anything had changed the 5 years I was gone. We landed and I jumped for joy, of finally feeling the earth under my feet again. Vixie just smiled and laughed and Ed turned quite pale. The last time he had seen this place had been 12 years before and he hadn't left here with happy thoughts. 


	4. Recovery pt2

Recovery Pt2  
  
We stayed in a hotel and ate McDonalds while watching some funny show about a girl named sailor moon and her cat Luna. Anyway the next day was surgery day. I was nervous, extremely nervous. I had never done anything like this before. It was all new to me. The scientist Vixie had found did this for a living, yet still I felt a little bit scared. He put me down on a cold metal table (There were scalpels on the tray beside me) and then gave me drug to make me go to sleep. I fell asleep immediately (I hadn't slept well the night before) and had a weird dream. People were calling out to me, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. They were screaming now.my head hurt.my heart was beating to fast.I was going to die.  
  
And then I woke up and I forgot everything. From my name, to Ed's name, to Vixie's name.it was all gone. I looked around at the "people" standing in front of me and finally asked.who am I?  
  
Vixie was the first to answer. She stared at the ground as if this whole 'identity' crisis were her fault. I didn't understand. Where was I? She told me her name was Vixie, Ed was Ed, the scientist was some guy name Rodney, and that I was, infact, on the planet earth, where I had lived for many years. Of course I gobbled this up. She helped me up and let me look in a mirror (let me say.prior to this surgery I had NEVER been shown my body). I let out a gasp. I was beautiful. Long golden curls, sky blue eyes, and pale, delicate skin. I was amazing. I touched the mirror and felt the cold, against my skin. Vixie was watching me intently and Ed was smiling. I turned around and smiled at them. Nothing could contain the happiness.  
  
Me, Vixie, and Ed soon left the lab to go walk around New York City. It was massive (10 times bigger than the biggest City at my old planet)! And crowded! And.I loved it. Sometimes I would sit there alone and watch lawyers walk quickly through the streets with a cell phone to their ear, I would watch poverty stricken people begging for money from one passer bier to the next, I would watch tourists look sky-wards trying, in haste, to see the tops of the skyscrapers. I would watch these people for hours, fascinated by their mere appearance.  
  
One day, Ed, Vixie, and I took a stroll through central park and onto one of the main boulevards. It was just after dark and not many people were on the streets, at the moment. We walked, chatting happily, to one another, down the streets. Suddenly I saw a very familiar apartment. I shivered. I felt very bad vibes coming from the place. Like something had happened there. I'd never felt something so familiar yet so.so.so far away. I stood there looking at it for a minute or so before turning to an oddly pale Vixie.  
  
"Yo Vix, This place gives me the creeps."  
  
She just nodded before grabbing my arm and leading me away. We walked for a few seconds before she was.gone. Disappeared! Ed looked around, I looked around.and yet we couldn't find her. She wouldn't just leave us. More people were piling onto the streets.I couldn't feel her energy, there were too many bodies.  
  
And then suddenly, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.she strolled out of an alley a few blocks down. She smiled at us and waved. Although she looked fine she was pale and had blood running down her lip. Ed looked very upset.very upset indeed. I tried to comprehend what happened, but I couldn't. We kept walking in silence before I felt an odd energy following us. It wasn't human, nor android, it was just plain.weird. Like the apartment complex it seemed oddly familiar. We walked a few blocks.until the impulse was so bad I could barely contain myself.  
  
I cracked. I traced his energy flow behind him and appeared there (Vixie had taught me many moves during training.this being my favourite one) on command. I grabbed it by the collar of its shirt and held it against the wall with all of my strength. As I stared at him I realized he was something like a black bug. Bigger than a bug, yes, but he had the same features, the tail, the eyes.everything. Kind of creepy.  
  
"Who are you!!! Tell me who you are before I kill you!!!"  
  
He looked amused. I knew, by the energy within him, that I was carrying empty threats. I once more asked him who he was before he replied cattily, "A friend". What the hell was that supposed to mean? A friend? I'd never even met the guy! I glared at him.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
He wouldn't answer. To hell with this! I dropped him and then appeared back with my friends. Vixie didn't seem at all disturbed. She looked more upset at what the "thing" (as I had come to labelling it) had said. We joked about the Thing but inside I felt a weird nervousness filling my gut. I hadn't really asked Vixie about my past, and when I had she had been abrupt with her answers, but now.now I needed to know.  
  
I demanded Vixie tell me. She stayed silent for a few minutes before she said out loud..  
  
"Ok, Dark, I know you've been following us, so come out!"  
  
I was surprised she could tell. I sure as hell couldn't. I was also surprised she knew his name. She told me he HAD been my old best friend, saved me from near death experiences, and yes, given me to Vixie. I was surprised beyond belief! I had nearly killed my old best friend. Vixie had just laughed at the prospect. Obviously she knew this.. thing very well, for she knew his strengths, weaknesses, attitude, everything. Ironic really.  
  
We talked for a while about different things (Dark lived with a girl named Maria, which I never got the chance to meet) before he left to go somewhere (I never did find out why he left) and me, Vixie, and Ed were once again alone.  
  
That night as I lie in my bed, I thought about how would never remember my past. I have to admit, I felt left out. Everyone else knew how they came to be, how they became the person they are, how they lived their life, all the mistakes they made, everything. And I remember nothing but my name and what planet I was on. Pathetic, really.  
  
I told her to put my memory card back in, demanded it really. She nodded and said she'd get the scientist to put it back in. She looked sad and guilty and just.depressed. I felt like the bad guy. She explained why she had taken it. At that point I understood.it was later when I questioned the reason.  
  
The next day they put my chip back in. As soon as I woke up I was bombarded with images. A few were good but most of them were flashbacks of the pain I had felt. At that point I almost wanted to tell them to take it out again. The scientist told me that after a few days it would stop. The images would disappear.  
  
And they did. It took a few days but they did. Unfortunately before it was over I had to watch Cell abuse me and me being raped by Roti. At the worst images I would grasp Vixie's hand and hold it until the image was over. She stayed with me every day that she was needed (which was every day I had to replay my life) and acted like she always did.like a mom.  
  
This is how I am going to end these two chapters on my recovery. Mostly because there is no more to my recovery, you see after the images left, I was fine. Yes, I could still remember the gleam in Roti's eyes, the swing of Cell's tail, but no longer was I "reliving" these tragic images. I was healed. After I was ok again Vixie and Ed stayed a week before Ed departed (he had to go home to Pakita (who we found out was pregnant the second day we were on earth) and he was going to take care of the business) and Vixie and June went their own way (they were going to stay and find the specified androids and send them to The Lodge). I was left alone on Earth (I wanted to stay for some odd reason) and I happily lived, by myself until.well we'll get to that in the next chapter. 


	5. Saphire

Girl talk  
  
I left you on a considerably happy ending, did I not? Sadly it does not stay on a high note. But all things must come down; it's the law of gravity, and life. So do not hand me pity on a plate, for me to eat up. I don't want that. I want you to understand. So understand.  
  
I had bought a new apartment. Never been used, huge, great view. Everything I needed. Two bedrooms, a massive bathroom (had a Jacuzzi bathtub), a beautiful kitchen (all new appliances) and a living room. Vixie had given me around 20 million dollars, saying it was only a quarter of her "earth" money. I had decided to stay in New York. It was full of life, where I could just sit and waste mine. As I told you before I loved the busy streets, the parks, subways, and alleys. Everything. So I stayed there I did. Sometimes I'd stalk people, laughing at the stupid things they'd do, such as talk to themselves, walking across busy streets without looking where they were going (one guy I was watching actually got hit by a cab) and stealing money from poor blind people. All this made me all the more sad. I could never be stupid without getting killed. It just wasn't fair.  
  
One day I met a young lady. She looked around 16, maybe 17. Short brown hair, dull brown eyes, and not a blemish on her face. I decided to follow her, she interested me in a weird, wacky way. She wore a black coat, with fur around her neck. Along with that she had on a hat, and black gloves. All in all it looked like she was going to a funeral. I followed her for awhile for awhile, until we came to an alley. She stood before me and took out a lighter. Usually I wouldn't have been worried but.something wasn't right. She moved it down to her dress, and that's when I made myself visible to her. She looked up, a look of confusion on her face. I continued to stand there, not moving, blinking, or breathing. She walked right up to me and glared into my eyes. I don't know how long I stood there before she asked, quietly "What would you like, madam?" Such a beautiful accent. I broke our gaze. " Come stay with me in my apartment, it's built for a queen, and I hate staying there alone" I was lying. I loved it by myself. The quiet, the peacefulness, the freedom, everything.  
  
She thought about it for a moment before nodding. She turned and walked towards the apartment. The moment I knew she was a vamp. It wasn't the action that did it, it was just the familiarity between her and all of the other vamps I'd met before. I caught my breath and followed, silently. She led me to my own apartment complex.. weird. Gave me the shivers. I smiled at her and led her in.  
  
She gasped at the sight of the inside. Suddenly she wasn't a vamp, she was a human. Her emotions were real, not fake, making her more human than vamp. She told me she loved it, and jumped around, like a little schoolgirl. I was pleased. She liked it more than I did and I had already lived there for around 6 months.  
  
I asked her where her stuff was. She looked at the ground. "I burned it". I knew I had a blank look on my face, but it wouldn't go away. Burned her stuff. The words echoed through my brain, begging for an explanation to the act. I shook my head, and gave an embarrassed laugh. "Right, lets go on a shopping spree then." She grinned before heading out the door, more human.. human.  
  
We went on that shopping spree. Turns out she loves fashion, music, and paintings. How she loves paintings. Sometimes she would sit there, on the couch, watching the paintings she had put up on my walls (she did all the interior decorating) as if they had a meaning. They were like her.god or something. Quite funny. We would sit around, watching TV, reading magazines or books (she LOVED fantasy), playing Nintendo (one of my favourite pastimes) or shopping. She was my best girlfriend I'd ever have. Yes she was a vamp, but so was dark. I mean as long as they don't eat you your ok.. right?  
  
---------------------( Continued on next page 


	6. Betrayal

Betrayal  
  
Now that I have told you all about Saphire, I will continue with my story.  
  
The beginning of this story has nothing to do with Saphire. In fact she was out eating "dinner" alone. I was on the couch, asleep, after watching old reruns of friends. After about 2 hours I felt something, in the room with me. I opened my eyes, blinked a few times and then saw him.  
  
Dark. He was hurt, badly hurt. There was blood everywhere; even his skin was covered with dried crusted blood. I shook my head, hoping to clear the image burned into my mind. He talked to me. I don't exactly remember what he said but I knew he said some other vamps attacked him, for his blood. This was totally not good. I didn't know what to do. I was confused and scared and.. well.. me!  
  
I rapped him up in a wool blanket and asked him what he needed. I was acting stupid. I knew what he needed. I knew he needed blood. And quick. I almost thought of leaving him there to run down and get the first human I could find but I decided I couldn't leave his side. Who knew if the vamps had followed him here? I felt weak and uncaring, because I was too scared to give him blood. My blood.  
  
Now that I think back on it I think the reason was I was being selfish. My blood was the only thing I had left that was my own. My body was human made plastic (well not plastic but you get my drift), my mind had been taken over more than once. My material possessions weren't really mine they were humans. But my blood. Well no one had taken that yet.  
  
The sad thing was that I felt torn between to things that I both loved, and needed. The only thing that made me stop debating was when he started throwing up blood. It gave me the absolute chills. When I was really little, Cell would hurt me pretty bad, and I'd puke up blood. The taste made me sick, the feeling freaked me out, and it slowly killed you. All three things I hated. All three things I didn't want Dark to have to suffer through, especially the killing. So I told him I knew he needed blood, and to just ask me for it.  
  
He didn't. Big surprise there. He told me he didn't want to, that it wasn't right to do that to someone you cared about. I lied and told him I wanted it, and although most of it was a lie I really did want him to be ok, so I came of all hero like, and told him just to do it.  
  
He still didn't. I was getting frustrated. Finally I just decided to use his weakness, as my strength. And man did it work.  
  
I knew he was hungry. I'm not all stupid. I knew he could hear the blood, rushing through my artificial veins. I knew he wanted it. So I took his head and placed it to my chest, right next to my heart, and told him I wanted to help. And Presto before I knew it his fangs were in his neck.  
  
Like sex I found no happiness from this act. It didn't hurt but I hated the feeling. I hated feeling myself being swept away in a current of blood; I hated seeing my sick, sad, pathetic excuse for a life flash before my eyes, and most of all I hated the way I couldn't pull away, couldn't fight some unknown force. Tears formed in my eyes as I watched myself be drained of the only thing I owned. My blood.  
  
After it stopped I was confused, scared, a weak. Dark tried to give me a hug but I pulled back. The thought of my blood running through his vampiric veins chilled me to the bone. He left shortly after, feeling awkward and sad. And I was left alone.  
  
I was usually content being alone. But not now. I felt small, weak, and. dead. I walked into my bedroom, and collapsed on the bed. I was too weak to move, to think, to feel. All my strength went to sleeping, but even then I was rocked with twisted dreams, half reality half mirrored images of things I had seen.  
  
Just before dawn I felt, something picking me up. I couldn't move, I couldn't even see the thing, but I knew it was no good. Evil, was the word that first came to mind. I felt it shove me in a box and then stole me out of my own house. It carried me somewhere, which I still don't know to this day, before throwing me (quite roughly I must add) onto the ground.  
  
I slept, uneasily, all day long. Gaining strength, with every breath, gaining wisdom with every pint of blood, and gaining speed with every muscle. I finally opened my eyes and looked around. I was trapped in a coffin like box, under the ground. I gave a little moan before pushing on the top of the box. It didn't budge. I must have been buried pretty far down.  
  
Humans are unnerved by the thought of being buried alive, and although I am not human I act human, making me scared of dieing, trapped in a small space, underground.  
  
I sat there for a moment pondering what to do before I decided upon blowing it open with my "amazing" strength. Stupidly I tried and "forgetting" my blood loss problem, ended up knocking myself out. I slept for another 5 hours before I felt the box being brought above ground. I gave a quick sigh of relief before bracing myself for what would open it. The lid slowly opened and I was face to face with a full fledged, very unhappy, vamp. Not a good sign.  
  
He looked me over and licked his lips, obviously wanting to scare me. He succeeded. I gave a quick scream before grabbing his neck, jerking it around, and pushing him away. All in all I broke his neck, in a few more than one place. The bad thing was he had brought his "friends" along. Four very hungry, very bloodthirsty, vamps.  
  
They moved closer, silently, deadly. I pulled myself to a sitting position, my head spinning, my hands trembling, spasms running up my legs and into my lower stomach. They were close now, I could see the points on their fangs, the gleam in their eyes, as they surrounded me.  
  
And then they attacked. Two to my wrists, one to my neck, and one to the back of my leg. Ripping the flesh greedily. I screamed and pushed the one at my neck off. He laughed before plunging ever deeper into the flesh, taking away My Blood. The thing I had had but no one else had. I stopped screaming, for I could no longer breath. They were going to kill me. I closed me eyes, trembling, and let them drink their share. After they were done they stuck me back in my coffin, and buried me again.  
  
There was nothing left for me. I had barely enough blood to live, I couldn't give them anymore. A wave of sickness passed over me and I threw up. I sighed, wishing for death to come, before going to sleep.  
  
Again they came for me. Dug me up, opened the lid, licked their lips and chowed down on my delicious blood. The one I had hurt wasn't very happy with me and he drank the most, leaving me as close to dead as he could. They didn't bother burying me, they dumped me in a river, laughing.  
  
I lie there for a few days. Cold, scared, and alone. My blood was gone, leaving me with but a few drops of water. Amazing how my body kept me alive, while I should have been dead.  
  
Next minute I realized I was in Dark's arms. Strong, caring, and warm. They were beautiful. I couldn't move, so I just let him lead me to wherever he was taking me. And then a castle. And a girl. And safety.  
  
I suddenly felt blood. Not my blood but blood all the same. I could breath again, I could move, I could see! I sat up, and looked right into Dark's eyes. My savoir. I jumped up and ran over, hugging him with all my strength. Thank God for best friends. I suddenly realized the girl, Maria, was in the room with us. I blushed, reminding myself she had saved me, and thanked her. She nodded and I took that as a "You welcome." I turned back to Dark, watching the worried expression, hoping he wouldn't be to upset. I didn't like making people sad, or upset. It hurt me to make people feel this way. And yet I was doing this to Dark. Making him feel something he didn't want to feel. Hurting him.  
  
And so I left the castle. 


	7. Reliving the past of tomorrow

Reliving the past of tomorrow  
  
Again I left you hanging. Not something I meant to do, really. I guess sometimes life just turns you away from what you think is important. And on that note I will tell you the next chapter in my story.  
  
After the attack I went home to my apartment. I slept all the next day, and the next night. In those two days I never saw Saphire once. And when I did she just glared at me and walked past.  
  
After three days I was as fully healed as I could be. I had quite a few scars, especially on my wrists and neck.  
  
It didn't bother me that Saphire was pissed. I was to busy fighting my own inner demon, I didn't have time to try and figure out what was wrong with her.  
  
Now when I look back I wish I had.  
  
For about a week we just ignored each other, until one day she just snapped. I was in the kitchen making my favourite thing to drink.green tea. When she came up behind me and bit deep into neck. I felt the electric pain I had felt so many times before, run up my spine. I gave a small moan, before pleading with her to stop, this wasn't the way to end our friendship.  
  
She ignored me. She continued to drink the blood. Finally she let me drop to the ground.  
  
Black. I saw black.everywhere. I felt pain, not only from the wound but also from the thought of being killed by your closest girlfriend. This was all too much to bear.  
  
And then I felt her pealing away my clothing. What the hell was wrong with her? Had she gone insane?  
  
I felt her lift me with ease, and then walked into another room before dropping me, softly in the new Jacuzzi bathtub, and filling it up. She then took my left wrist, and drank from that as well. I was confused, and tired, and quite ready to die. I could smell the blood, and feel it.all around me. Disgusting. She let that wrist drop before grabbing the right one and going through the same procedure.  
  
Finally she ended and stood there, watching over me. Why I don't know. She did not leave the room, but continued to weep quietly.  
  
And then suddenly she looked up, and guess whom she saw?  
  
Dark.  
  
And I felt like laughing. Sick really. How I felt at that moment. I felt happy and sad and angry and.all mixed up. Not funny. Not funny at all. And yet somehow I felt like laughing.  
  
Maybe my emotion chip was screwed up, or maybe it was just that this was the end. Of what exactly I still don't know. I just know that I felt like laughing.  
  
I tried to concentrate on the drama that was about to happen but it was hard. Little blurry spots kept coming into view. I knew Saphire was playing games with him.pretending to be innocent. Bullshit. This was all bullshit!  
  
He was leaning over. She was close, to close to him. "Say something" I commanded myself. Cry, scream, do something. And yet I couldn't. Helplessness came over me, once again.  
  
She bared her teeth before biting into his skin.  
  
That was the moment I realized.. I loved Dark. Not like a brother but more like.a lover. He had saved me so many times and I had never had even the slightest urge to hold him and kiss him, and love him. But now.I did.  
  
It had to be my emotion chip. Had to. I couldn't love my best friend.. could I?  
  
I had to concentrate. What was Dark doing? Obviously, he had thrown her off of him, and was now interrogating her. While I sat there, dying. Amazingly the only thing I felt was embarrassment for being stark naked. That's me, about to die and thinking about being naked.  
  
Stupidity. Meanwhile those to were having a verbal battle. I didn't hear any of it. I heard my heart through my ears. It was slow, tired, and ready to wither away. I prayed for it to continue pumping My Blood.  
  
Dark finally walked over and picked me up. If I had enough blood to spare I would've blushed but seeing as I didn't I just sat there, feeling stupid and embarrassed. Saphire was still trying to make Dark see the error of his ways. To kill me and get over me. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. What if she did persuade him to kill me? I would be dead before a minute passed. His fangs were so close to my neck.. just an inch away.  
  
We left the house, and into the cold. I felt the wind against my skin. Freezing. I shivered, letting him know I was cold. Not like it helped. He was so caught up in the discussion with Saphire he didn't even realize me. I continued to pray, that my heart would still beat.  
  
And it did. He turned around, and then mumbled something, which I couldn't understand, before teleporting to his castle.  
  
It was cold here as well. Colder here then outside. I slowly lifted my swollen eyelids. Looking around at the castle. I saw Maria ((Dark's friend)) sitting in a chair. She was pregnant. Lucky her.  
  
She walked over and did one of her healing spells. Like before I felt the blood inside me fill with nutrients to power my lungs and heart. And then I felt the puncture wounds on my neck and wrist heal instantly, the whole time I was gaining strength.  
  
Suddenly I had the urge to sit up. And I did. And although I felt quite naked, and cold, I also felt compelling love to my hero. Dark. Again I shook my head. What was wrong with this stupid chip?! It was screwing my mind into knots.  
  
He hugged me. It sent a weird ecstasy up my back. Ok this was going to far! What was wrong with me? I pulled away. I could tell he was confused, and instead of explaining I heard myself say " Dark I have to talk to you about something very important, to me." He nodded, before asking "Is this bad news?" I laughed unexpectedly. " Not that I know of." He continued to nod, still as confused as before.  
  
I sighed. Why was I saying this? And what compelled me to spill these..secrets?  
  
"Dark, I love you. More than brother and sister love. I love you in a.lover.. type way." I stared at him, blushing furiously. This was way harder than I had expected. Expected?! When had I expected this? In my sub- conscious?  
  
His mouth dropped. Already warning bells were ringing in my head. Dark, the vampire as composed as God himself was gaping. Not good. Time, he needed time.  
  
I tried to explain to him what I meant, the whole time him standing there looking at me like I was a illusion.  
  
Finally I gave up, and told him that when he wanted to find me, he would. And the we would talk about this..  
  
-----------( Continued in next chapter 


	8. There's a first time for everything

There's a first time for everything  
  
Love is one of the emotions I really, had not felt. Ever. Yes, I had felt love from my friends and Vixie ((who I would rather call my mother)), but other than that I was left out on the world of relationships and going out.unless you include Roti, which I would rather you not.  
  
It's said that when I blind man can finally see again, he is let down, for the world is not what he thought it would be. But for me it was just the opposite. It was probably the greatest thing that had ever happened to me.  
  
I left you off at a rather odd point. Why? Because I did not know how to go on explaining all of the different things that happened over the course of 2 weeks. But now I am ready and will tell you the latest chapter in my life story.  
  
I had left Dark on neither a high note, nor a low note. While I waited for him to think it over, I tried to track down Saphire. I was determined to meet up with her, and demand she apologize for trying to bring harm to me. It took only a few hours before I met up with her, in a bar in downtown New York. She was talking to a victim, obviously. A middle aged, drunk, with no idea what a precious life he was wasting.  
  
I walked over casually, sitting down next to her, and ordering a drink. When she heard my voice, she spun around and stared at me. What beautiful brown eyes she had. They masked her true complexity and made her seem amazingly innocent, which most vampires seem to have brought with them into their everlasting lives, and although they held no guilt they did have a tint of mystery, which most humans would fear, except those who were drunk.  
  
I stared back, my anger gone.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked timidly.  
  
" I came for a drink, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I came for supper." She grinned. I laughed, uncertainly. Hopefully I wasn't going be the appetizer. I continued to sit there, waiting for my drink and pretending to be interested in one of the customers sitting beside me. She continued to stare at me, a sad smile plastered on her face.  
  
"You know Serenity, I am extremely sorry for hurting you, I really didn't mean to it's just..." I stared down at my hands, what was I supposed to do in this situation? Just forgive and forget? Forget that she had betrayed me and played me for.for what? That's what I couldn't figure out. Was I just a meal, like any other, or was I a toy, to play with and harass until she was finished with me and threw me out, like many others, or was I her long time friend which she loved and cared for deeply but didn't have enough stamina to fight her evil urges. I didn't know, or understand all of this vampire stuff, and luckily I never would.  
  
"..your blood, it's just so.."  
  
"So what?!" I demanded finally realizing I had the chance of a lifetime. I could figure out what made these vamps go insane with desire! I could fix it and they would never bother me again, or at least I wished that would happen. Like it could ever come true. It was just a broken dream, like all of my other ones pushed aside for other people to crush.  
  
"..so...innocent.." Innocence. something you can't change. Something unfixable. In fact, something that was never broken. I couldn't change innocence. I couldn't make myself not innocent..could I?  
  
"I'm sorry.please forgive me.I swear on my brother's grave I will never lay a finger on you, and I will never let anyone else" Blood tears started to fill her eyes. I sighed.  
  
" Let me think of my decision, I will meet you at the apartment at 12:30, on the dot, if you're late, I realize we can no longer be friends." And then I walked out of the bar, and into the cold street.  
  
The first emotion that hit me was.amazingly.happiness. I was happy because everything was ok. I knew I would forgive Saphire. How could I not? Everyone makes mistakes and it hadn't cost me my life. And plus, she truly was sorry. I could tell. Now the only thing let for me to figure out was Dark. Which I was sure I would see soon.. hopefully.  
  
Meanwhile I walked down alleys and streets, sometimes humming, sometimes murmuring different quotes I had heard over the years. I walked and walked until I saw a small park. The lamps were lit making sight it just light enough to see. I went up to a painter and asked if I could borrow some canvas and paint. He happily obliged, being a nice old man, he handed it to me and I sat on a bench and set the canvas up.  
  
The scene in front of me was amazing. Beside this pond was a boardwalk with a couple talking to each other with whispers and slight touches, and in the pond were a few ducks, enjoying the peacefulness of the night life. The moonlight also reflected off the water making the scene even more beautiful and mysterious.  
  
I painted this scene the best I could but with one quirk.I drew Saphire standing there, feeding the ducks dried bread pieces. I don't know why I drew the picture like that, but I guess it just happened sub- consciously.  
  
I was almost done when I felt a strange shiver run up my back. As soon as it was gone I felt a hand grab my shoulder. I stifled a scream. Why now? I was just getting over one of the most confusing, sickening days of my life and now another vampire to feed of this "innocent" blood. Would this hell never end?  
  
I whipped my head around, sending golden locks tumbling out of my way. And standing there stood Dark. Composed as always.  
  
I gave a sigh of relief before saying some cocky little thing to mask my embarrassment. He laughed and continued to stand there, looking at my painting. I talked to him awhile about it, asking him if he liked it (which he did) and what he had been up to since I had left him there at the castle. He told me taking care of the children at the castle and helping out a pregnant Maria.  
  
I looked at my watch. I had better get going soon. It wouldn't look to good if I told her not to be late and I was late myself.  
  
We continued to talk before I finally asked the dreaded question..  
  
" So Dark.have you thought about what I said yesterday?" I could feel the embarrassment, rising in me. This was stupid! As if he could ever love someone so.melodramatic? Plus, he must have a hundred different people to love, he had only mentioned a bazillion times, he knew a lot more people than me. I braced myself for the reply.  
  
Funny thing was he really didn't reply. He just shrugged. The thing about shrugs is it can go two ways. Yes & No. Yet I was so. nerve wracked that I just assumed it was a no and so instead of my planned out.  
  
"Yes, it wouldn't have worked out anyways. Were complete opposites." It came out.  
  
"I knew this was going to happen. I'm sorry for bothering you with such a foolish question. You don't believe in Love Love anyways, so why did I even try. I'm sorry"  
  
I could have died at that moment. Why had I said that? Was it because I felt stupid or was it just because I was tired and fed up with beating around the bush? Stupid day! Would it ever just end?  
  
I remember he gave me a confused look before replying simply " Actually I realize sibling love and love love is the same thing."  
  
My heart skipped a beat. Did this mean, what I thought it meant?! I ran over and flung myself into his arms. Something I had "accidentally" blabbed had turned into. this. Sometimes stupidity works for the best.  
  
I remember chatting with him about.. something. The more I think back on it the more I remember the strength of his arms. I don't know why I just know that I loved them. And I loved him.  
  
The thing that ruined this? Time. I had an appointment, with Saphire. I had to be there. I didn't have a choice.  
  
I looked up and told Dark I had to go to Saphire. He shrugged and then I suddenly decided. I was going to kiss him. No ifs, ands, or buts. Timidly I leaned over, and kissed his lips.  
  
Ok nothing can explain someone's first, kiss, so I won't even try. What I will say is that it was very.lovely.  
  
But I left him. I had an appointment that I couldn't miss. Although I really did just want to stay there in his strong arms and kiss him some more but.like I said, Time took that from me, like so many things before.  
  
I transported into the apartment, just before the clock struck 12:28. I wasn't late. Amazing. She was sitting on the couch, watching the clock with unblinking eyes. Scary.  
  
I don't remember all of the small details. I was to happy about the good news from Dark I couldn't concentrate. I remember nodding and saying things like.. "I see why you did it now" and other things quite similar. She knew I wasn't concentrating but I guess she didn't really care. As long as we were friends again. Friends.right.  
  
After our little "talk" I went to sleep in my bed. Bed.the warmest best place on earth. The safest place on earth. Right... 


	9. The sickness within

Sickness  
  
A few weeks later I woke up feeling quiet sick. Cramps wracked through my abdomen and lower stomach. I took some medication to ease the pain but it continued slowly to hurt more and more, until I could no longer stand. Saphire was asleep and couldn't help, and there was no one in the house. I crawled towards the phone and called Vixie, praying for an answer. She picked up and I told her she must come immediately, that it was urgent. In a minute she was there, by my side. She told me to stand up and I did.. with her help. She brought me to the couch, and lied me down, and told me to try to get some sleep while she phoned my scientist to see if she could get me an emergency appointment.  
  
As I sat there I felt this weird feeling like whatever was hurting me would kill me sometime in the near future. I shook the thought away best I could, before I heard Vixie come in. She smiled that reassuring smile of hers before teleporting her and I to our scientist.  
  
My scientist took me in immediately. He asked me some questions, which I answered, quickly. He listened to my heart and lungs with a stethoscope, took my blood pressure and blood samples, and also listened to the transmitting from my brain to other parts in my body. All the while I continued to have the feeling. Over all it was not a good day.  
  
The scientist said I looked fine but he'd give me the blood tests results soon. I thanked him and went home, to a very worried Saphire. I explained to her the situation, and I think she believed me, at least for the time being. I spent the night writing in my journal, different poems and memories I wanted to remember.  
  
The next morning I awoke to the sound of a phone ringing. I yawned, stretched, and dragged myself to the phone. I answered and was immediately worried when I heard the voice of my scientist. He told me he needed to see me at once. I told him I'd be there right away, before hanging up.  
  
I got dressed in whatever I could find, threw on a hat to hide my messy blonde hair, and went to his office.  
  
I was scared as soon as I entered the room. There were five other scientists. They told me to sit down, but I decided to stand. They told me that I had developed a brain tumour, and that they could not operate on it, because they would kill me in the process. I don't think I realized the seriousness of the situation, because it never really hit me until I got home.  
  
They gave me a CAT scan, and pills, and sent me on my way. I walked home; telling myself it was a mistake. That I couldn't die this way after getting my life back together.  
  
When I got home, I saw Saphire. I could tell she knew something was wrong. She looked at me and asked me what had happened at the office.  
  
That's when I started to cry. Blood tears ran down my face, and down my arms. She walked over and gave me a hug, whispering words to make me feel better. I smiled, thanking God for best friends.  
  
She asked me again what was wrong, and this time I replied. I could see the shock in her eyes, the pain and hate and.hurt. I cursed myself for telling her this, and I promised myself I would never tell Dark. I would die before he ever heard the words that had brought such a distinct end to me.  
  
She hugged me tighter and asked me how long I would live for. I replied a few months, hoping it was the truth. She nodded and let go of me, to sit on the couch. I went into the washroom to grab some tissues. Something I needed badly.  
  
While I was in there, I caught a glance at the mirror. In front of me stood a small breakable doll that had been thrown carelessly onto the ground, yet had been picked up more than once, to be played with some more before being abandoned once again. And yet this doll had a brain and a heart and.a soul. Stupid doll.  
  
I turned away from the mirror to return to Saphire, who wasn't taking this that entirely well. She wasn't crying but I could tell she would soon, if I didn't say anything. I told her that they were trying to find a cure, which was another lie. They knew I had no chance of survival and so they wouldn't even try.  
  
I told her not to mention this to Dark, and she promised she wouldn't. We continued to talk about old memories, and the future. Saphire said she would never be able to live without me, which scared me. I continued to say that they would find a cure, and almost got myself thinking that I would survive.that I would at least have a chance.  
  
Suddenly I felt Dark's ki nearby. I put my fingers to my lips, reminding her not to say a word. She nodded and we continued to talk like everything was normal. More lies. I knew he was getting close, and I saw Saphire turn and glare at Dark. I rolled my eyes.wouldn't they ever get along. Wouldn't Saphire even try?  
  
I sighed. Maybe death wouldn't be so complicated. Dark and Saphire continued to talk about matters that I shall not repeat. Why bother? It's not worth your time.  
  
Finally I could just not take it anymore, and left. I'm not sure if they even realized I left. All I know is the wind was warm, and the air fresh. I continued to think about my life and all the things I had done wrong. Did I really have the time to fix them? To make them all better? Or would I die with all these people's hurt and pain left on their backs. After walking around for hours and hours I finally came to the conclusion.  
  
You cannot trick fate, nor can it trick you. 


	10. Sex

Sex  
  
I know the title must be confusing you. Me, have sex. I know that's what I would think to if I were you. And that's why I will tell this very personal part of my life.  
  
Weeks later Dark and I got together, once again. I was in bed, trying to scare away the nightmares that had been haunting my dreams for the past few days, and he just appeared. He surprised me, which he did that a lot. I apologized, before blushing. What an idiot I was. I couldn't even tell a serial killer from my boyfriend. Sad.very sad.  
  
He didn't seem to mind, although nothing usually did with Dark. He was always laid-back. Even when he was a little kid. He wrapped his strong arms around me, and gave me a hug. Not like that wasn't usual but he just seemed, more intimate. He probably didn't mean it to be but it seemed they were more. I don't know.loving?  
  
I asked him casually how life was going, and he told me he was fine. And I was glad. Just cause I was dying didn't mean the whole world was. He started to rock me, and it almost put me to sleep, but I didn't dare close my eyes. It would surely ruin the romantic mood. Was there even a romantic mood? How would I know? I mean I'd never really had one.  
  
I leaned up and gave him a small kiss, hoping he wouldn't pull away. Hoping he didn't think I was a slut. Hoping he would kiss me back.  
  
And then as if someone had turned on a warning switch, I felt a bad feeling.  
  
"What's up with ya?" I asked. He had this zoned out look, like someone who was drunk. He told me nothing was wrong, and he was fine. I just rolled my eyes, and gave him a kiss on his neck. He leaned over and gave me a kiss asking me if " I knew he love me."  
  
Let me say I had heard this, quite a few times. And you know what. I didn't think I deserved such a boyfriend. I don't even know how to explain how much I loved him, how much he meant to me.  
  
He lay on top of me, kissing me gently and stared in the eye. He had such beautiful eyes.... And then a flashback. The situation the same except the guy was Roti and he had piercing evil gold eyes. I gasped, but didn't say anything to Dark, still not wanting to ruin the moment I cherished so much.  
  
I continued to tell him I'd love him, forever and ever, until.  
  
Saphire came in. She gave me a look that was pure distress, before dropping some papers on to my desk, and leaving quickly and quietly. Totally Busted. I couldn't even think about the thoughts rushing through her head.  
  
And then I got the weird feeling Dark wasn't at all tuned into this world. I waved a hand in front of his face. "What is wrong with you?!" He explained to me that when he drank the blood of a person who has had drugs or alcohol, it half transferred to him. The thought of this made me nervous but I didn't say anything, and continued to play along with the game.. Naming people that I could go out with, making him laugh. He seemed to have a thing against Trunks, why I didn't know. And really I didn't care. As long as he was here with me, I was fine.  
  
The next biggest shock. Being licked. What can I say? I mean the only time I'd ever been licked was with Juniper and June was a tiger. But by Dark.how.sexual.  
  
And amazingly I wouldn't have minded having sex with him. At the time I just felt happy. I had almost forgotten the flashback of Roti. I just felt pure complete content, something I had rarely felt.  
  
I continued to trail my kisses along his cheek and neck, running my fingers through his hair the whole time. And then I felt a fang against my neck. My first thought was to get up and leave, just because I didn't really want to get eaten, but I quickly decided that that was irrational and so I put one finger up to his lips, and told him there was no biting aloud.  
  
Let me say, I was a little dazed at this point. Everything was too good. It was almost as if I was living in someone else's life.  
  
"Do you want the blood?" I asked quietly, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice.  
  
"Of course I do." he said with no hesitation. "But I wont take it. I already have had my share of blood for the week, and I rarely have to drink anymore, thanks to my friend."  
  
Friends.  
  
He hugged me again, sending chills down my back. His hands were running through my long curls, like a comb. I loved it. I loved this.  
  
And slowly they moved down to the curve of my back, and that's when I saw the second flashback. Roti. I gave a small moan, but continued to kiss his neck, trying to forget him. Trying to enjoy myself. Trying to be normal.  
  
He didn't seem to notice. Then again he was all liquored up.he probably didn't even realize what was happening. He started to French kiss me, which caught me by surprise, but afterwards I enjoyed this act just as much as everything else. His hands ran down to my hips, and held them gently. This was a change. Roti used to rip at them, like he did with the rest of my body.  
  
And then I didn't want to do this. I didn't want the memories to come back. I didn't want nightmares, especially about Dark. I didn't want the pain, and I didn't want the guilt. And I didn't want Sex.  
  
I asked him, if he wanted to do this, and he didn't seem to care. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was returning. He was drunk, he wasn't doing this for him or I, and he didn't know what he was doing. I pulled away and glared at him, before pointing at the door. "Get out. I'm not doing this when you're drunk or high, or whatever you are. Now out!" He looked at me with huge confused eyes. I turned away. "Get out." I said simply and he left, as quietly as he had come.  
  
I sat there; mad at myself, for being so frigid. How many humans had been raped and still had been able to have sex with someone they trusted. Probably quite a few of them. And here I was. Alone. 


	11. Death & Rebirth

Rebirth  
  
I could feel the sickness slowly creeping up on me. I knew it would be a matter of days, before I died. And as the day got closer and closer, I felt compelled to tell Dark my secret (which he already known because "Saphire" had told him). He knew I was going to, but didn't say much of anything. No surprise there.  
  
Four days before my "due" date I talked to my scientist, which told me I had 3 days and 4 nights of being alive, and then I would pass away.  
  
The first thing I thought of was becoming a vamp. Just ask either Saphire or Dark to give me the blood, and turn into one. I think this was the stupidest of all the ideas, because I hated killing people, and to be a vamp that was one of the major things.  
  
The second thing I thought of was to tell people I was going to die, and have them wait at my deathbed, for me to wither away. This one I particularly didn't like because it was too emotional, and again I was friend with vamps and I didn't want them taking advantage of the situation, and shove a bloody wrist into my mouth.  
  
So I decided to go with number three. Die alone.  
  
I wrote a letter explaining my death, gave it to Ed and Pakita, and then left to my forest.  
  
My forest, which I had hated before, was once again my haven. Even when Roti had thrown me there, on the dirt, I had loved it. Weird how you could loath something but really love it.  
  
I sat down next to an oak, and passed the days reading two books. Number 1, the bible, for if I was going to meet God then I better know all about him. Second was my journal. I went through every entry, and smiled at the good stuff and cried over the bad stuff.  
  
On the last day, I had muscle spasms. Every once in awhile my hands would shake, and then I would break down into incontrollable convulsions. These usually only lasted a few minutes but soon they got longer and longer, until I had not more than 6 seconds to rest in between.  
  
Finally I lay down, and died.  
  
It was the weirdest feeling being in heaven. It was a place where you always felt happy. Unfortunately there was no God to greet me, but a lot of really nice people talked to me about how I died, and so on. I had no worries.  
  
I spent my day cruising around, with some nice guys I had met, which were in a car accident. Drunk driving, they said.  
  
I was having a blast. It was like the total opposite of hell. Finally I didn't have to suffer. I could live here forever and ever and.  
  
Then I was wished back.  
  
By Saphire.  
  
I forced myself to smile, when I saw her face. Ok so I loved her but.I had loved heaven as well. And this place was so gloomy, compared to up there. She ran over and gave me a hug, blood tears running down her face, and onto my white dress. Screw heaven! This was my place. With my friends, and boyfriend, and Manhattan.  
  
Nothing could beat that. Saphire and I walked around for awhile, talking all about my death, and who was most affected. It seemed Vixie cried the most, Dark went temporarily insane, and Ed and Pakita were the most in shock, both blaming themselves for not reading the letter and saving my life.  
  
I was just happy to be back. We finally went to my house, and Saphire commanded me to get into bed, and looks sick. Just as I got in I heard the door slam, and saw Vixie bound into my room, happiness shining in ever feature.  
  
She told me she missed me, and loved me, and I shall never die alone again, as long as she was alive. And I believed her. We talked and talked, before she went home. Saphire went to bed, and I stayed at home, playing my game cube.  
  
I saw Dark the next night. I had been waiting to see him because I had missed him, dearly, even when in heaven.  
  
We talked, and then kissed, and then he left.  
  
Anyway that's how I'll end this chapter. It's not long but hopefully it gave you an insight on how I died, so that you can change the way you do (hopefully). 


	12. Have you ever

Have you ever felt so lonely; you felt your only comfort is music? That's how it always was, for me, although I've never said so before this time. The lyrics of a song can change my emotions faster than you can sing them.  
  
Happy. I walked the streets, rapping just like some black guy. It made me free my emotions, cease the pain that had so many times before, broken me. I went into different bars, danced with different people, sung to different songs, drank different alcoholic beverages, and acted as if I were finally a normal person, living their life to their fullest.  
  
Happiness. I must have been blind, thinking everything would be all right. I had a best friend that would never betray me again, I had a boyfriend who I loved with every piece of my heart, I had a mother who would never hurt me, I had friends who would be there to dry my tears, and I had a life. Everything I had ever asked for, I had.  
  
I felt on top of the world.  
  
Until I walked into that stupid apartment.  
  
As soon as I got into the building I felt something weird. Something painful. I could here moans coming from my apartment, and thinking nothing of it, walked in.  
  
And there they were.  
  
On my couch, fucking each other. My boyfriend and best friend. I just stared at them, hoping this was a mirage. That it would disappear. But I was so totally wrong. Dreadfully wrong. This mirage was quickly turning into a nightmare.  
  
My head was spinning. Saphire didn't even see something wrong with this. She continued to shove him harder into her. A cold shiver ran down my back, and I suddenly felt compelled to kill the both of them. Kill them for the pain I knew they would cause me, for what I would have to go through after this.  
  
Dark finally got off of her, and left. Without a word. Wtf was wrong with them?! Did they want me to go insane? To kill them?! To kill everyone! Rage was taking over, my limbs were no longer my own. I had to leave.  
  
I teleported to a park, and sat down on a bench. "Why is it so hard for people to love you?" I screamed while ripping at my hair. Pulling strand after strand out. It was fake. It wasn't real. I wasn't real!  
  
Tears sprung to my eyes, as I stared at my hands. They were beautiful. They were trembling, in hurt and pain, but they were still beautiful. Like music. It made me want to sing. It scared me at first, because I didn't understand why. Maybe it was because in the heat of my sorrow, music had always been there for me. I dunno. All I do know is I sang. I sang with all my heart, the song called, "When I'm Gone," which I loved to listen to. "There's another world inside of me that you may never see.  
  
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.  
  
Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.  
  
Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind. So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong.  
  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.  
  
Everything I am and everything in me  
  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.  
  
I'll never let you down even if I could.  
  
I'd give up everything, if only for your good. So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
  
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,  
  
So love me when I'm gone.  
  
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.  
  
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends. Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone.  
  
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.  
  
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone. Everything I am and everything in me.  
  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be,  
  
Ill never let you down even if I could.  
  
I'd give up everything if only for your good. " Blood tears, rolled down my cheeks, and onto my lap. And then the thought came to me...I had given my blood to those bastards! I gave a moan, in disgust. They had taken it! Rage once again, pumped through my veins, and I took it out on my left wrist. Scarlet blood gushed from it, but I ignored the pain, and tried to concentrate on what I was to do. Was I supposed to run away, find Vixie, Kill them, or go back to the apartment? I decided against all of them, and decided to sleep on the bench, hoping sleep would claim me, before I could hurt anymore.  
  
I did sleep, but not very well. Different images ran through my mind, driving me insane. There were remembered kisses and hugs, and different talks, pictures, and images of being beaten, sometimes the person was Dark, and sometimes it was Saphire.  
  
I woke up the next morning stiff, and scared. My wrist was torn pretty bad, and it ached quite a bit. Luckily the sun was out and I wouldn't have to see either of them in the daytime.  
  
I stood up, and stretched my legs, yawning quite ungracefully. I walked down the street to a small café, which was packed with businessmen, all scurrying to get to work on time. I ordered a vanilla cappuccino, and sat down in a comfy chair, near the fire. I stared into the flame, warming myself, and thinking about..  
  
Murder.  
  
It could kill both of them in an instant. I could... I shook away the plot forming in my head. Ok so they had sex. No reason to kill them. Right? I almost felt like contradicting myself and saying "Wrong" but decided against it. Ok so you couldn't kill them. You could still kick Saphire out of your apartment. That would be revenge...pathetic, yes, but still revenge.  
  
I drank down the coffee quickly, and walked out the door, listening to the little jangle of the bells as I left the crowded café. I would find Vixie. She had had experience with pond scum; I mean she went out with Jagg, so she had to know how to mend a broken heart.  
  
I walked down the streets, staring at the clouds, and trying not to cry. The whole time I had been the doll. I hated being the doll. I hated being played. I hated everything. I hated life.  
  
I continued down the street, mumbling insane words, and thinking about the past. From Cell to Roti to Him to Dark to Saphire to Vixie to Ed to vamps to aliens to God to the Devil.  
  
I probably would've gone back to insanity if it weren't for a little man.  
  
A poor, blind, old man. He sat on a corner, singing and playing his guitar. People walked by, dropping money into the guitar case, absently. I stopped to listen to him, and to collect my thoughts. I dropped a 50 dollar bill into the case, because money had never been a big thing with me.  
  
The man looked at me, as if he could see me, clearly. And smiled. A toothless grin, but it was full of happiness. How could this man smile after all of his years on the streets? Was it possible he saw the best in his life, even though it had been full of pain?  
  
I continued to walk, but I forgot all about Dark and Saphire, and I began to wonder how old friends were. I sighed, as the sun beat down on my face warming it completely. I felt happy, remembering Josh and Jenny and Steven, and all of my android friends, which I had left behind at the shelter. I wondered what they'd do in this situation, and I knew they would all shrug it off, and continue their lives. They were used to pain, and they knew that pain followed them like an evil curse. As I should by now.  
  
I laughed at myself, for being so emotional, and continued down the street, walking into my apartment. I stared at the sofa, which I now loathed with all that was left in me, before heading towards the phone, and phoning up Vixie. She came immediately (just like she always had) and made tea, and talked to me about everything.  
  
She seemed madder at Dark than Saphire. I think because he had unearthed some memory that she had wanted to keep buried beneath her hard shell, for so many years. She told me not to kill them, that it wouldn't do any good. I promised I wouldn't although I wasn't sure if that was going to come through.  
  
Night was creeping up on us, and I felt uneasy. I knew they would be here soon. Thank God for Vixie. She wasn't worried. In fact if I were either of them, I would have been afraid to come face us. Me being on the verge of insanity, and Vixie on the verge of killing someone.  
  
We played cards for a few hours, until it was dark. The time of the vamps. I shivered, and prayed that neither of them would bother us, that they would leave me alone, and never talk to me again, so they couldn't mock me with their happiness.  
  
Then Dark's ki.  
  
It was coming closer, coming into the apartment. I could hear footsteps. I wanted to hide, and I almost did, but Vixie held my hand, secretly comforting me.  
  
As soon as Dark was in the room, I felt pain and hate rushing through my veins. On MY sofa. With MY best friend. While I was out, loving life. I stared at the cards, the only thing that could calm my nerves.  
  
Vixie was on him as soon as he walked through the door. I knew how mad she was at him, but I knew he didn't. He didn't realize anything. He never realized anything!  
  
Anger.  
  
He sat down next to me, and talked to me. "It was an accident" and "It was never supposed to happen." What did he think I was? A fucken idiot?  
  
That I didn't have a fucken clue how people had sex? I had had it many times before him. I knew. And I knew it couldn't be an accident.  
  
My comebacks were sarcastic. The only thing that could stop me from strangling him, on the spot. Sarcasm was my best friend at times like these.  
  
It seemed like he didn't see anything wrong with him screwing her. Like it would have never hurt me. I could feel frustration balling up in my chest, and I suddenly had the urge to scream. I held it in, and left both Vixie and Dark. For a minute after I had left I thought he might fuck her as well, but I doubted that. She would never let him.  
  
I walked down the streets, bored. My mind drifted off onto small things, with really no meaning whatsoever. I ran across a few vamps, which talked to me about it, and told me that they would leave him, and her, if they were me. I almost felt like doing it but I remember all the good things that had happened and I decided to let it ride, see what happened.  
  
By this point I was laughing at myself, for trusting them. They were both against rules, and didn't give a shit what other people thought. As if they'd even give a second thought to what they were doing. They liked hurting people, that much I realized. A little too late.  
  
I went home, and found the apartment the way I had left it. I jumped onto the couch, and turned on the stereo, and watched the ceiling, with nothing in particular on my mind.  
  
I fell into a dreamless sleep, and woke up to a beautiful day! Finally things were going my way.  
  
I thought about what to do, and decided on swimming, because it usually helped me concentrate on the task at hand, which (at the moment) was surviving.  
  
I grabbed my fave bikini, a towel, and some shampoo, and went to a beach. There were humans everywhere, some sunbathing, some playing beach volleyball, and some swimming in the water.  
  
A few minutes after I got onto the beach, a guy came over and asked me if I wanted to play beach volleyball. Usually I would have quietly told them "No" shyly, but today I answered casually " Sure. Why not?" It wasn't like I had anything better to do. He introduced me to his girlfriend, her friends, and his friends. I smiled, trying to look as human as possible.  
  
We played volleyball for hours! I learned they all went to the local College, and liked to come here to get away from life. I agreed, pretending to be an exchange student from New Zealand. They were all very nice, and we had a blast.  
  
Finally it was dark. We sat near the campfire, eating marshmallows and laughing at the sad attempts of ghost stories Chloe made up. Finally they had to go back to their dorms. All of them gave me a hug good-bye except for Trevor who gave me a peck on the cheek, saying that I had to call him before I left back to New Zealand.  
  
Then they drove away in their convertible.  
  
I walked along the beaches, watching the waves, and wondering what to do. Trevor seemed like a nice guy and I could tell he would be loyal. But could I really give up on Dark so soon?  
  
Suddenly I saw a shadowy figure walking towards me, and I stopped. I had a bad feeling about this. I turned around, and the figure was in front of me, as if they had casually walked over while I wasn't looking.  
  
I had never met this person before. She had red curly hair, down to the small of her back. She also had glowing yellow eyes, which seemed to see right through me. Like I was transparent.  
  
She raised a silky hand to my cheek, and sighed.  
  
"You are so beautiful," She murmured.  
  
I stared at the hand, and brought it down tenderly, and kissed it. The flesh was smooth, not a fault in it. She was like a queen, so beautiful, so amazingly powerful.  
  
"Don't go home, it's not worth it," She whispered in my mind.  
  
I bit my lip, trying to tell her that I must go home, that I could handle it. As if reading my mind she replied.  
  
"You are a strong one Serenity, but beware, for some may not love your boldness"  
  
She kissed my neck, and I felt her fangs against my skin, and I knew that she was the queen of them. I didn't pull away, but I did tremble in her grasp, fearing the worst. She dragged one fang along my flesh, and I felt myself bleeding, but just slightly. Her tongue licked at the small wound, her golden eyes, staring up at mine, before moving away, just like a ghost. I reached out to her, but she moved to quickly for even my eye, and I missed. Her parting words to me were ones I shall forever remember.  
  
" Never use the power of this blood, to heal your wounds, for it will most certainly corrupt you" And then she walked sacredly across the water, until I could no longer see her anymore. 


	13. Conceded hate

Conceded hate  
  
I walked home from the beach, somewhat scared, yet I was also totally giddy. I knew as soon as I stepped through the door of my apartment I would have to fight for my life. Against who I didn't know, but I knew I had to fight.  
  
It was going to be a hard fight, whoever I faced. I would have to use the lighter I carried around for sure, and I knew Dark's tail was his weakness. As for Saphire, her weakness was more mental than anything.  
  
I was a block away from the apartment. I felt adrenaline playing with my mind, scaring away all the fears I had just a second ago held.  
  
I walked up the stairs, as I had done a thousand times before. I tried to breath, but the air was so heavy and dry. A few more steps and I'd be in there.  
  
I opened the door slowly, looking through it. I saw Saphire watching TV, but something was wrong. And I could tell.  
  
She turned around, a grin spread across her face. It was not kind, but full of hate and vanity. She stood up, and I watched her, silently. She walked over and traced a finger across my cheek, just as the other vamp had an hour before.  
  
"He liked it, he loved it, he wanted more of it," She sung in the most annoying tone. She ran her finger across my lips, before turning away, and throwing her head back and laughing.  
  
"He loves me"  
  
I still said nothing. "Just ignore it" I commanded myself, biting my tongue, enough to make it bleed slightly.  
  
"He screamed for more"  
  
"This is bullshit, this is bullshit" I repeated over and over in my head.  
  
"He told me you weren't good enough"  
  
I felt my hand lash out before I even realized what I was doing. I slapped her so hard; her head was whipped to the left. She turned on me.  
  
"Can't handle the truth?"  
  
"You've never told the truth," I said, glaring at her. She grinned.  
  
"That's where you're wrong." I didn't even let her finish before pointing towards the door.  
  
"Get out. You are no longer welcomed here"  
  
This seemed to hit some sort of panic button in Saphire because she grabbed me by the neck, and tightened her grip, until I could no longer breath.  
  
"You stupid bitch. You can't kick me out of my own apartment"  
  
I brought my feet up to her stomach and kicked as hard as I could. She let go of my neck, and stumbled backwards, right out through the door.  
  
I gasped for air, and laughed, realizing I had just kicked her out of the apartment.  
  
"Woops.I guess you predicted wrong" I replied, cattily.  
  
She stood up, and flipped her hair out of her face. She ran over and attacked at my face, and I blocked all of the punches, my wrist hurting somewhat afterwards. She grabbed one of my arms and dug her nails in, ripping most of my tendons up, and then dragged them down my arm, before I finally grabbed her hand, and wrenched it out, breaking the fingers, with a small crunch.  
  
She screamed both in pain and rage, and kicked me, throwing me into the wall. I collapsed onto the floor, my body refusing to get up. She stood in front of me, her stupid grin plastered onto that pale face of hers. I drew up all my strength, and quickly moved my feet, right next to her, and tripped her hard. She landed right next to me, confused. I jump up, and drew out my lighter.  
  
She laughed, and jumped to her feet.  
  
"You think a measly lighter can kill me?" She said, before knocking it out of my trembling fingers.  
  
Her wounds were healing before my eyes, and I gave a soft prayer in Hebrew, hoping that God would help me, this one time.  
  
She moved closer and closer, until we were just an inch away. Her hands suddenly reached up, and slapped me over the head, sending me flying into the couch, and flipping it over. Damn she had more strength than I had ever imagined. I banged my head against the floor when the couch landed, giving a soft moan, before dragging myself to my feet. I felt a weird liquid running down my cheek, and when I brought my finger up to it, I realized it was blood.  
  
I stood there shaking, watching her move across the room, faster than any human could ever see. She was still grinning when she got nearby.  
  
"Could I have a try?" She said suddenly appearing behind me, and biting into my neck.  
  
I saw her, dressed in a gown, dancing with a very handsome young man. They looked like a very sweet couple. I wanted to dance with them, I wanted to....  
  
A gut wrenching feeling sent me flying back to reality, and I felt my limbs come back life. I was on the ground, blood running down my neck and chest, looking up at Saphire, whose eyes were greedy and hollow.  
  
I kicked her in the stomach, and crawled into the kitchen, the closest shelter I could find. I rummaged as fast as I could through the knife cupboard until I found the biggest butcher knife I could. I held it up, hoping it would somehow intimidate her.  
  
She walked into the kitchen, casually, staring uncaringly at the knife. "Now you even need petty things like knives to make sure I don't rip you apart"  
  
I ignored her snide comment, my attention tuned totally on her, and her next move. As soon as she got close I swiped at her, catching a little bit of her left arm. She flinched but didn't do anything, but move closer.  
  
"I'll kill you, if you move a step closer" I said fighting to hold my stance. I was dizzy, and everything was blurry, but I concentrated on her, which made it easier to stand.  
  
She took a step and then another, I slashed at her, but hit nothing but air. Something hit me over the head, and I dropped to my knees, the knife sliding across the linoleum, to the other side of the room.  
  
She walked easily towards the knife. I gave a scream, trying to get up in time, but she swooped it up off the ground, and pointed it at me.  
  
"Look's like Serenity lost," She said jumping on top of me the knife, up against my throat. I started to cry, blood tears spilling down my face. Stupid body. Couldn't even defend it self.  
  
She drew back at the last moment; her eyes glazed over, with what I thought were memories, which had probably been lost when time had stolen everything from her.  
  
I didn't do anything, just sat there, quietly. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what she would do. And so ignored the pain, and let her be, hoping she made the right choice.  
  
Finally I decided "enough of this" and so I said to her, in a very small voice.  
  
"Will you please get off of me?"  
  
She shook her head, her eyes going back to looking cold and spiteful, and she laughed, icily.  
  
"You know what this reminds me of? Dark. He was on me just like I'm on you. Damn he's hot." I looked away from her; somewhat disgusted she would even bring him up. This was Idiocy. Insanity. Paranoia.  
  
I squirmed under her, trying to get out....get away. She continued to laugh at me, so I drew up a hand and slapped her as hard as I could. She lost balance and fell down beside me, giving me a chance to pull myself to my feet.  
  
I looked at the oven burner, and turned my back to her, quickly turning the knobs, so that it was on high. If I was lucky I could push her onto one of the burners and set her clothes or hair on fire, and then from there it would be a Saphire barbeque. One to be remembered.  
  
She grabbed my hair, and wrenched it as hard as she could, grinning. I dropped to my knees, and held tightly to one of the table legs, trying to stop the slow torture I would be going through, if she made me let go. She dragged me, holding onto the table, across the kitchen, before trying to pull me out of the kitchen and into the living room. The table caught, and she couldn't drag me any farther no matter how hard she tried.  
  
I heard her walk away, and I quickly let go of the table, and crawled under it, and over near the burner, hoping to bait her into coming nearby.  
  
I was right. A few seconds later, her head peered around the wall, and she stared at me, her face twisting in anger and over exertion. She ran at me and punched, I ducked just in time, and she hit one of the cupboards, sending wood chips raining down on me. I pushed her away, and her shirt just went over the flame, missing it by less than an inch. I gave an exasperated cry, and punched her. She moved back a few steps, giving me room to finally breath.  
  
The knife was lying under the table, and I dove down for it. I saw something whir past me, and then I landed with a thud on my stomach, a knife stabbed right through where my heart should have been.  
  
Pain filled every part of my body. And for a moment I just lie there, panting quickly, and trying to remain calm. Ok so she stabbed me, big deal. I wasn't dead....yet. She stood over top of me, staring at the wound, a little surprised, as if she really hadn't meant to hurt me. I stared back at her, silently, contemplating what to do in this situation.  
  
I finally brought my feet up to her chest and kicked her as hard as I could, with the last of my energy. She landed on the burners, and started to scream as fire ran up her jeans and t-shirt, and then her body. She jumped off the burner and ran towards the sink, but I reached out my foot as far as possible, and tripped her onto the floor. Her screaming hurt my ears it was so loud, and so high pitched. Her arm was disintegrating into ashes right before my eyes. I brought my knees to my chest and watched, horrified. The flames licked at me, but I ignored them and held my place.  
  
A few minutes later all Saphire was, were ashes. Burnt little flakes, on my kitchen floor.  
  
My blood was all over the floors and walls and...everywhere. It was gross to see all of the splatter stains, were she had pushed me against a wall or a couch. My head was dizzy and I gave a soft moan, lying down on the floor, and falling into a quick sleep. 


	14. The Emotional breakdown

I ended my story on the weirdest note, possible. Once again it was quite accidental, yet it was probably for the best. You see the most annoying things, can sometimes save your life. I can't really explain it to you, but there is truth in those words. Anyway I shall now continue my story.  
  
As I lie there, I realized I had just killed my best friend, without a second thought. So that was the price of love. Depressing, very depressing. I would surely go to hell for this. Not like I cared at the moment. I just wanted to feel......better. Feel well and lively and...happy. Was that too much to ask? To have normal problems, and not having the weight of death on your shoulders every single day, until you die at a young age and go to hell for eternity. It was all to damn depressing. Life was depressing. I was depressing. Me and my hate and pain and sadness and vanity.  
  
When I awoke, my first thought was about Vixie. Was she ok? Did she miss me? Did she think I had disappeared or been killed? Would she still love me?  
  
I dragged myself to my knees, pain surging through my chest. I grasped onto the table, and pulled myself into the standing position, my legs wobbling uncontrollably. I stood there for a moment, gaining my strength, and willed my legs to move, and slowly they did. I gave a small cheer, before falling backwards onto my butt. Graceful...very graceful. It took me 15 minutes to get over to the phone. When I was there, I realized I didn't have anyone to phone. Vixie wouldn't be home at the moment, Ed and Pakita would be in bed, and my dorm friends would be out partying.  
  
So I was alone.  
  
Rule number one for survival,  
  
If you're hurt, heal...and heal fast. Don't fuck around, and pretend to be strong.  
  
I dragged myself into the washroom, downed a couple of painkillers, and wrapped my side in bandages. I would have to get more; there wasn't enough to patch me up.  
  
I contemplated what to do, and decided to walk to the store a few blocks away. So what if it was the middle of the night, and that I had a fatal wound to the chest? It would be just another stroll in the park. Yeah..whatever.  
  
When I got there, I walked down the aisles as fast as I could. The clerk behind the counter was watching me with scary lime green eyes. Looking me over. Checking me out. What was with humans now a-days? Did the all have to be so.....lusty? I laughed. It wasn't only humans. It was every organism on this stupid planet. I grabbed the bandages off of the rack, and moved towards the counter and His eyes. I threw them down lightly, and got out 5 one-dollar bills. He scanned it, and then smirked...  
  
"Hey babe, got a phone number for me?"  
  
I grabbed the bandages off the counter, threw him the ones and left, totally freaked out. The whole human race was starting to really bug me. I wish I hadn't met them at all. Cell's torture was better than this. Being treated so...disrespectfully. Like I was an object, used to turn guys on. Like a porn star or a prostitute. Why the fuck did no one understand me?  
  
I went into the apartment, and wrapped myself up better. I looked in the mirror. I looked exhausted and sick looking. Pathetic. I punched the mirror, letting the glass rain down onto the floor. No more Serenity staring back at me. Nothing but shards of pain, waiting to hurt someone. I looked around the room, and saw my Discman lying on the ground. I scooped it up, and threw the headphones on. I had to leave here, and never return. This place was to full of bad memories. The sex, the hatred, the blood, everything about this place was evil. I walked out the door, slamming it hard enough for the neighbours to hear.  
  
I walked down the street, my hoody over my head, masking my face. Stupid sick, pale, artificial face. I walked, without a thought, down the dark alleys and busy streets. My mind on the lyrics that were being sung, over and over again in my head. I knew all the words to this CD, and I mouthed them, forgetting the stares from the people I passed.  
  
I walked and walked, ignoring the pain in my side, intent on forgetting my past, my problems. And then there was Dark, and another vamp. I hid my ki, and looked at the ground. If I were lucky he wouldn't see me. I blasted my music, pretending to be a young woman, out for a stroll at 1:00 in the morning. I walked right past him, and gave a sigh in relief. A little too soon, because his hand shot out, and grabbed mine harshly, and pulled me forward, letting my hoody fall out of my face.  
  
Great now Dark was going to kill me. This was going to be, by far, the worst day of my life. Other than the day I was created.  
  
He stared back at me, with his menacing metallic eyes. I held my breath, hoping he would think about this, before he laid a finger on me. I knew I could never kill him, even if I wanted to. At the moment I just didn't have the strength to fight.  
  
He let go, slowly. I could still feel the perfection that his hands held, like God himself had blessed him. A sudden yearning to hug him, swept over me, but I stopped myself. Why should I give in now? He had broken my heart. He had betrayed me. He had destroyed everything I had worked for. He was a backstabber. He was....  
  
My best friend, my first kiss, my first love, my....everything.  
  
He was talking but I didn't hear anything. I was fighting once again. An exhausting fight. The hardest fight there is. Between your emotions, and logic. It was complicated. Do I forgive him? Or do I hate him forever?  
  
I think Fate was with me, because a special song came onto my Discman. It's called "Make up your mind." And it goes something like this....  
  
Make up your mind and I'll make up mine Don't worry about me, I'll be fine Those words that you said to me, why wasn't I listening? I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking I'll sit back and relax and wait for the morning  
  
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time  
  
It hit something in me. I was acting like Saphire. Everything wasn't about me. Maybe he wasn't lying. Maybe he was being truthful. And somewhere deep down, I was hoping he felt just as hurt as I had.  
  
He said something and it slowly snapped me back to reality. I looked at him, blankly as he continued on talking.  
  
" ...like I said, I'm sorry.." I looked at him. He looked truthful. The pain in my side was slowly growing unbearable, and I put pressure on it, concentrating on his words, not gestures. Finally came the question that had been on my mind, way to much lately.  
  
"...So did you like it...?" I asked quietly keeping all emotion out of my voice.  
  
"....Yes...."  
  
I thought about this for a minute. I was glad he hadn't lied about that but could I really continue to love someone who had fun sleeping with different seductive women?  
  
Well...just because he did it once, didn't mean he would do it again. Plus I owed it to him to give him one more chance. If he screwed that one up (or down), well then I would have to think deeply about what the consequence would be, but once isn't that bad....right?  
  
".... It would have been better with me.." I replied, still bottling all these thoughts and emotions deep within myself. Something that I had learned to do, amazingly well after years of torture. That was closest he was going to get to the words "I forgive you." If he didn't like it he could bite me. Literally  
  
Another wave of pain washed over me, but I held it in, and changed the subject to the other vamp. His name was Varun, Dark's offspring. Something about him reminded me of my old self. He just seemed to have this air to him, which I deeply respected. Turns out, he was abused by a master swordsman. Also turns out he had never had the chance to be...loved. But Dark could take care of that. For all I cared, he could give every ounce of love left in him to Varun, and leave me with nothing. I just wanted Varun to be ok.  
  
I knew how it felt to be hurt, day in and out. I knew how lost and hopeless you feel. I knew everything. And I wanted to make it better. Or at least let Dark.  
  
The pain in my chest, suddenly grew to much, and I flinched. Dark saw it, and quickly asked if Saphire had bit me. Inside I was laughing hysterically, and yelling " I WISH!!!" insanely. I showed him the bloody wound, which had leaked through another bandage, and saw his face fall. So he did still care about me! I told him, I had better go home, and he agreed an even picked me up in his arms.  
  
I haven't yet, felt as safe somewhere as I did with Dark. His arms were like a barrier between the world and me. Like I couldn't feel pain or hate or jealousy or...anything but happiness. And that's how I felt. Like I was invincible. That I would never die. That now that Saphire was gone, and I was healthy and fine I would never have to fight for my life.  
  
I was naïve. 


	15. Rivers of blood

Dry my tears  
  
A few months went on, from the last chapter. Me and Dark finally had sex, which I refuse to explain to you. For the first reason, I don't know how he would feel with me blabbing that experience, and for second because I want to keep it buried deep inside of me, because it cause me pain to remember the happiness I felt.  
  
Now you must have heard that saying "It's never over until the fat lady sings." That's how my love ended, with a fat lady screaming at the top of her lungs.  
  
It was dreary night. It was pouring outside, and there was this cold wind that chilled me to the bone. Being smart, I decided to stay home and watch some game show called "Jeopardy." I was bored out of my mind, when Dark appeared behind me.  
  
I was happy to see him, because well....I loved being around him. Sounds corny I know, but that's what love does to you. So I gave him a smile, and almost asked him to sit down, and cuddle with me but there was this hateful glare in his eyes.  
  
I thought back trying to figure out what I could done wrong. I didn't sleep with anyone, I didn't kill anyone, I...didn't do anything. There was absolutely nothing that I could have done wrong.  
  
Finally he said something. His tone was bitter and somewhat..hollow.  
  
"What are doing here?"  
  
At first I was puzzled by this question, so I replied with my best friend Sarcasm.  
  
" What am I not aloud to sit in my own apartment?"  
  
His eyes blazed, and he stared at me for a minute.  
  
"No."  
  
What was wrong with him?  
  
"What's crawled up your ass and died?  
  
"Nothing. Where's Serenity?"  
  
I stared at him. What did he mean? Where's Serenity. Was he blind? And then I got it. This was a joke. He was messing with me. Oh, but two can play that game.  
  
"I dunno..oh wait...yes I do...I killed her" I said laughing.  
  
He growled and jumped over the couch landing beside me, and glaring at me.  
  
"You lie"  
  
His face was so close and I just wanted to give up and kiss him but..No. I was going to win for once.  
  
"..i.i.what?"  
  
So close...  
  
"You lie. You better not have killed her...." His eyes were so piercing, so..scary I almost felt afraid. But I pushed away the feeling. This was just a big joke Dark was playing, so he could snag a few kisses...right? "...where is she?"  
  
I threw my head back and laughed. Damn this was funny. Pretending to be my own killer was amazingly satisfying. Maybe I should take up acting.  
  
" Like I said..I killed her"  
  
The next thing I knew, I felt claws sinking into my neck. Ok...now this was so not a joke. I stared up at him, feeling dizzy and somewhat sick. Amazingly I felt no pain at this moment. I think it must have been the shock of the attack.  
  
"You bitch.."  
  
Is that what I am? Is that what he's always thought? I shook my head. No. This is all part of the joke. He would start laughing any moment now. I just had to wait.  
  
"Dark, stop it" I said trying to pull away.  
  
He was so strong. I was helpless. He was Roti and I was me. It was the same situation but different faces, different places, and different circumstances.  
  
I felt a wild, panic deep down. I better count my blessings, say my prayers, and hope that that would be enough to go to heaven, or I would be going to hell.  
  
"I warned you not to hurt her...I told you.."  
  
Claws. Neck. They did not match.  
  
He must be out of his mind to think I killed Serenity. I was Serenity for Christ's sake! Who did he think I was? Obviously someone not very nice, because he trying to kill me. And....well he was doing a very good job of it. I could already feel the blood running down his hands and onto my cold flesh.  
  
"Fight back!" my instincts screamed at me. I shook my head, and hysterically began to tear at his hands. It did no good, infact it was as if he never felt anything. This was SO not good.  
  
"Stop it Dark..what are you doing?" I asked. It was a stupid attempt to get him to stop, and I knew it. But at least I got a little information.  
  
"I'm killing you, Saphire. What else would I be doing?"  
  
So that was who I am! Saphire. Well now I knew I was really dead. There was no escape. I just wished he'd make it quick and as painless as possible.  
  
I felt his small fangs dig deep into my neck. I tried to cry out but my voice, it was soft even to my own ears. Dizziness and pain swept through me. I prayed he might remember my sweet tasting blood, but as he continued to drain me, I realized he didn't.  
  
I finally kicked him, launching his bloody fangs out of my sore neck. I saw the door out of the corner of my eye, and dashed for it. I was so close I could taste the freedom before....  
  
Crack.  
  
I looked down. His hand was in my chest. He had ripped right through my rib cage. I couldn't breath. I couldn't see.  
  
Black.  
  
I felt tears running down my cheeks, then down to my neck. I felt the blood dripping onto the ground. I felt his hands slowly tearing apart my flesh, all the while searching for the thing he had always had before. My heart.  
  
The blindness was my weakness. I reached toward the only thing I could. His tail. His weakness. My only savoir at this point in time.  
  
I gripped it hard, digging my jagged nails into the soft warm flesh. I heard his gasps, and it drove me on. I was feeding from his pain, and enjoying it. I brought his tail to my lips, and like the vamp deep inside of me, I bit into it.  
  
Blood.  
  
It tasted so...alien. I had tasted this before but never so much. It made me feel somewhat light-headed and drowsy, but also it gave me a small energy boost, which I needed to speak these words..  
  
"How could you....do this to me?"  
  
His fingers finally found my heart, and plucked it from my chest like a tomato. Even now the sight sickens me. My heart beating in his black claws from hell. The rain falling steadily onto the roof. It was like the Nightmare on Elm street, but this time Dark was Freddy Croager, and I was the innocent chick who gets mercifully mutilated in the first five minutes.  
  
"Because I hate you...you killed Serenity. Or you tried to....I'm going to find her and bring her back..and burn you!"  
  
I almost felt like screaming,  
  
" Go ahead! Just try and burn me! It's not like I'll be alive long enough to see the bon-fucken-fire anyways!"  
  
I had to close my eyes. I was dizzy, oh so dizzy. I couldn't breath. I couldn't move. All I could do was stand there, and hope it would go away. My train of thought was leaving me. All I could think of was Cell. So this was his revenge. Killing his android using his son, who she was deeply in love with. Good God, I should have seen this.  
  
".. How.could.. I..?" Were the only words I could whisper before collapsing onto the ground.  
  
I heard something, and then Dark screaming. What was he saying? What was happening? Was my guardian angel here to damn him to hell?  
  
I felt a soft hand, run over my face. I sighed, and let the person wrap their big cozy arms around me. My angel....  
  
I slowly opened my eyes. I saw black hair and green eyes, and a big blue creature standing in front of the door to the balcony.  
  
Vixie!  
  
I started to cry, more out of happiness than pain. I still was going to die, and I knew it but it would be better with her, than by myself. I hated dying alone.  
  
I watched the silhouette come back into the apartment. Fear gripped me, and for a moment I thought I'd have a heart attack. Unfortunately you need a heart for that task, and so all I did was shiver and snuggle deeper into Vixie's arms. She'd protect me.  
  
I could hear Vixie crying, somewhere in the far distance but I didn't respond. I couldn't. All I could do was stare up at Dark, who was moving closer..closer...closer. I could see destruction and pain and hate and...death. That's when I realized...  
  
I could never be with him again.  
  
I saw him kneeling down. I saw his lips move. I saw his hand reach out. I saw Juniper rip him away. I saw the heart lying in front of me. I saw the blood lake surrounding me. I saw...nothing. Everything was gone. So I was going to die. Such a sad ending, to such an amazing love story. But everything that goes up must come down eventually.  
  
So I gave Vixie a small hug, and looked up at where I expected Dark to be and said....  
  
"So this is the time I die, right?"  
  
And then I took my last slow breath, and left. 


End file.
